1 Year on - April 2011

Hello everyone! It has been a long long time since I last blogged and wasnt sure if I would again to be honest, but because i'm still receiving such lovely messages from people taking the time to read it, I thought I would. A lot has happened really, like it does in everybodys life over a year. Im still in good health, I do still struggle with eating certain things and have trouble with my BM, but on the whole I am healthy and my surgeon is happy with me also. I went through a time awhile ago, with been extremely constipated for days at a time, which you makes you feel crappy, so I took the decision to stop taking my tablets altogether and I haven't been on them for at least 6 months. I went to see my surgeon to make sure he wouldn't have a problem with this, which he didn't. I did think however I would have seen more of a result than what I have coming off them completely, but I haven't. It definitely isnt worse, but not much better either! I knew I had to have my operations, and from my previous posts, you will see that I didn't have a decision in it really, but with that has caused a lot of problems with regards to my fertility. This isn't an easy thing to blog about, but some of my other posts werent either. We have been trying for a family for 8 months or so, and I told my surgeon I was having problems and he referred me to a fertility surgeon who has taken me on as his patient and has run tests and scans and found that I have a frozen pelvis, due to the operations I have had previously has now caused a lot of scarring which with another operation may rectify or make worse, so I have decided if I can help it I don't want anymore operations, but because of this we now need IVF!! I am / We are together going through a lot of different emotions and it hasnt even started yet. I'm so angry that my first surgeon left me as long as he did, because if he hadn,t maybe I would have been saved from the amount I did go through, with the operations and that would have prevented all the scarring inside, and ultimately left me able to have a child naturally. I'm so scared because of the emotional, and physical turmoil it is going to have on me and our relationship. Not feeling too great at the minute and i'm really glad that they have councillors available to us, because I feel very vunerable about the whole thing. The 1st 2 weeks I felt positive and ready for it, but another range of emotions has pushed through now, which is doubt and anger and are we going to be strong enough to go through it. Hopefully and i'm sure I will feel more in control of things when we are fully up on it. I don't want to the profit of doom for anybody, but the reality is it could happen to any woman who has gone through the same operations if not caught earlier enough and been prepared for it, may just make it more bearable. I certainly didn't expect nor was it explained to me that this may happen. So in my reality I have got over 2 hurdles and now i'm on to my biggest and most fundamental one of my life and i'm petrified at the thought of it. I wish everybody a successful journey and hope that my outcome isn't going to be yours.